When I recently reconnected with an old friend after almost 20 years, it felt like no time had passed. We still saw each other through the lens of who we were in 2005, yet we quickly realized that while some things remained the same, much had evolved.

Our conversation began with the usual catch- up. But soon, we discovered that we both developed a passion for personal growth and leadership.

As we explored our views, my friend shared a life philosophy that had shaped his journey. As a Doctor of Psychology, he had come to believe that true, lasting happiness is rooted in one powerful principle: taking radical responsibility for our life’s experience. According to him, every moment of our lives is an opportunity to take charge, to own our actions, our decisions, and ultimately, our happiness.

His words resonated deeply with me. It wasn’t just about being responsible; it was about embracing every part of our existence with full ownership.

As our conversation deepened, he pointed out something unexpected. He noticed that I often started my sentences with phrases like “I have to” or “I must.” He suggested that this language might be a subtle way of avoiding full responsibility for my actions. His observation struck me like a lightning bolt. Even though I was familiar with the concept, I had convinced myself that I mastered the art of taking responsibility. But was I really?

After this uplifting meeting, I drove off to a silent meditation retreat and his words echoed in my mind. The retreat was the perfect setting to explore this “must-business” of mine, and I intended to delve deep.

During the silence, I reflected on how often I used phrases like “I must deliver this article on time” or “I have to create impact in people’s life” The more I thought about it, the more I realized that these words were a way of shifting responsibility away from myself, as if some external force was imposing these duties on me. This mindset created a toxic cocktail of resistance, frustration, and contempt within me.

“Choosing to …” allows us to discriminate between what is truly important to us and what isn’t.

I began to wonder: How could I break free from this cycle? I contemplated on using “I want to” instead of “I must,” but that didn’t resonate with me. “Wanting to” felt passive, like I was waiting for something to happen rather than taking responsibility.

I finally found the words that truly give me power: “I choose to.”

This simple shift in language changed everything: “I choose to be an impactful leader,” “I choose to be happy.” These statements felt different—stronger, intentional. “Choosing to …” is an active decision; it’s not something that happens to you like “wanting to”. It’s about consciously deciding to take full responsibility for my actions and ultimately my happiness.

By framing my responsibilities as choices, I started to feel more in control of my life. “Choosing to” allows me to discriminate between what is truly important to me at that moment and what isn’t. It empowers me to fully own my decisions. It isn’t just a shift in words; it is a shift in mindset.

This revelation transforms the way I approach my daily life. Every task, goal, and challenge becomes an opportunity to exercise my power of choice. Instead of feeling burdened by obligations, I embrace them as conscious decisions I am fully responsible for.

In the end, what my friend had pointed out reminded me that our language fundamentally shapes our reality, and by choosing our words carefully, we can choose the life we want to live. Taking responsibility isn’t about being forced into action by external pressures; it’s about consciously choosing the path you want to walk.

As I move forward, I see every action as a chance to choose, take responsibility, and shape my destiny. It’s not anymore about what I must do, but what I choose to do—and that makes all the difference.

What do you choose next?